I can't hold on.

When I was younger I thought I was in love at the age of fifteen. I always wanted to be around him and make him happy. I gave my best effort to give my life/time to him. He didn't want it.

One night I was depressed. my close friend said "lets go to a dance" so I did. I ended up having a good time. I wanted to forget all about that boy who I could not please, for the life of me. I got asked out by another boy who seemed to like me. The ride home that night I felt beautiful. I had a boy to call my own and give all my love/attention to.

It's weird cause, the next day the first boy who I wanted to give everything to wanted me. He told me on AIM that he was stupid and finally new what he was missing. I was happy at first, but promised him I would be true/strong to my heart and never want be with him again. he later found out I had a BF and wanted to win me over. A promise is a promise.

I always thought I was a strong women and never needed a man to make me happy. I am just now finding out, maybe I do need one to complete me and feel beautiful. ;/ I have dated four men. It seems that when something bad happens, I go right to another one. I don't even have to like them.. it's like a safety zone. What is wrong with me?

I should be able to be alone.I should be able to take chances. I should be able to leave it I want. It seems I won't and don't know why.

old people

young people and old people have some similarities. one that comes to mind is, they both know lots and no one listens. What I mean by this is that, Young children/teens come up to their parents and say "mom I know what the answer is to that." most parents just ignore them cause they want to be the smart ones. When old people know what their talking about they do! They have greater experience that you have yet to come. They've seen the past and are living the future.

Sometimes it takes a little longer for older people to remember things, but when they do listen! your sure to learn something new. Today, I learned a lot about how blacks were treated and how young love was sweet. I also, learned that no matter how hard you worked, it wasn't considered a JOB unless it was money worthy.

To me a job is considered a job if you get it done and try your best... Money is good to ;D Anyways, to wrap this up. Listen to old and young.. you'll be surprised at what little you think you know.

It's weird the way I feel about you

When I am with you I get this weird but warm feeling.

When I am with you I look at you and want to kiss you.

When I am with you, you look at me and I melt.

When I am not with you, you seem to be on my mind.

You have great qualities that I want in a man.

Sometimes you don't see how great you are and all you do.

I am glad I get to see you threw my eyes...Wish you could see yourslef as great as I see you.

Did you learn your lesson?

In this world we have a thing called punishment. it is everywhere. You do something wrong... theres a consequence.

growing up if us kids disobeyed we'd get punished! such as

• Soap in the mouth
• Slap on the butt
• Maybe a belt. I don't remember
• Time out
• Grounded-no phone,friends,computer.. ANYTHING fun.

In the US there are punishments far worst than a bar of soap in the mouth. Jail is one of them. If I was in jail I'd think I'd go mad, being alone in a cement room with bars. I'd be scared that I would die in there or never get out.

Does the US have a right to take away someones life? IMO I think not. There could be other punishments for one's wrong doings ;/. Life is a gift!

Why? why? oh why?

On days like today, I have to stop and wounder.. Why the fuck am I here?

Today went well for the most part. The morning was good, so was work but I had a loved one say something that really effected me.

I hate that I am so sensitive and always have to get my feeling out there. yes it does fall back on me. I like to have people notice me and and listen to my thoughts. I do not like being the center of attention. I don't like when people joke.

I've always had people say " It's just a joke" "your no fun" "now your depressed" ;/ WTF I wish I was made different! I think to much and get sad why to much.

Why the fuck am I here? I hate myself most days.. seems others do to.

communication lost!

communication!

Has time changed the means of communication?

IMO- yes! Today I had to talk to lots of people. I ask them lots of questions and try to make their day better. err this one chick was on the phone the whole time. I couldn't get a single word in. I failed to do my job cause of her.

Back when, people would walk near and far to talk to people. They would write letters. When phones were invented people thought it was awesome! that it would help them to talk more to the ones they loved. Having a phone does help with communicating.

Today, we have cell phones! we text to talk to someone. This is bad because text show no emotions. It's like AIM on the Internet.

People need good communication skills to survive in this world. What if your a young teen going to get a job. You can't text them.

Talk more. Laugh more. See more!

If i'm not what you need

If I'm not want you need, I won't plead you to let me stay.
If I'm not what you want, I will give you away.

If you think I'm ugly, just throw me away.
If you think I'm a disease, just put me to my grave.

If I'm what you need, than come lay by me.
If I'm what you want, come steal my heart away

If you think I am beautiful just beg me to stay.
If you think I am worthy, throw that other girl away.

Theres always another prince.... You choose who to love! :D

Stealing

There are a lot of low things you can do in this world. Stealing is one of them.

On the 9th my phone got stolen from where I work. ;/ It really upset me cause I thought I lost it forever. I looked everywhere I could think of. I cleaned my car just to find it. I looked through the whole store. No phone!

AJP later called my mom's phone and asked why I called him an idiot. I would not be mean. I told him my phone must have been stolen. I called the cops to see if they could trace it "nope!" I called my phone company and they said "can't help you"

I kept calling my phone trying to get it back. My mother later got a text saying "Sorry I found this phone in my daughters bag" They said they would return my phone to work and that they were sorry. Days past and still no phone....


I want my phone back. I don't like liars. I am sad that my dad bought me that and now I don't have it.

Anyways, stealing to me is wrong! and it sucks!

money its gas!

Money!

Some say that's why the world goes round. So sarcastic! People say this because, money is the root of living. It keeps people happy, without it we won't know what to do.

Money is always on my brain. It shouldn't be. Money sucks. Sometimes it makes me greedy and all I want is to have money. I think that money could make me happy.

Wrong!

Money can never give or love you back. Sure! you get everything you want. You get

• A hot new car
• A new boat
• A motorcycle
• A boob job
• A face lift
• A new house
• A puppy
• Everything you could think of

But, what do you really have "nothing" "shit" oops! am I being honest? Anyways this is what money does to you. It makes you try and showoff.

I like money, but am learning to live without it and the cool things it can buy.

cops

In Vermont we tend to get bad weather. In the winter without nice tiers you tend to slide all over the roads.

Today, I left an hour early to get to work. When I went outside the snow kept coming down. I called my dad to ask him if my all seasons would be fit for my drive to work. he said they should be fine and drive slow.

Now! I took my time slow I went 45 on the interstate... I ended up in a ditch. the car in front of me went about 65 then slammed on their brakes. Sense I didn't have studs, I tapped my brakes and started to skid. It sucked.

I was in the ditch for about 10min before I got some help. A cop from a different county came by and asked me how he could help. he called a truck to come lift me out. About 15min later the truck came. The cop was really nice. He stayed with me until the process was finish. He and I got to joking about stupid, speedy drivers. I asked him what kind of snow tiers he had. He said "special ones" I guess sense he's a cop he gets "special ones" I WANT SOME.

Anyways... I need to get winter studded tiers on my car asap. To all you Vermonter's out there my advice to you is, drive slow in snow and get good tiers!

My parents

My parents sense they were young, knew they loved each other. They knew they wanted to have lots of kids. What they didn't know is that they get 5 and not 4.

She was a troubled young women in her 20's she had three kids and didn't know who their dad was. There were about three possibilities. She didn't know if the kids had the same father or not. She did drugs and smoked. When she wanted to go get drugs she'd bring her "babies" along for the ride.

She was alone and did not know where to turn to. She brought her kids over to this mans house who she thought was a good guy. She went and and saw the man killing another man. "Don't tell anyone ok" such a burden she carried. The cops later found out that she was part of the plot. She was thrown in jail, her kids in foster care. One of her babies was at her cousins being watched. When her cousin and husband arrived to the scene they did not want to give the baby up. The loving couple took the baby in.

Today that baby is loved and grows more in love with her family. She is no longer a "baby" but always will be to the loving couple.

I just wounder everyday what would have happened to that one "baby" if the young troubled mother would have not given her baby up for adoption.

Some are blessed.... I am one of them.

Gentleman???

What is a gentlemen?

A gentleman is a well mannered and considerate with high standards of proper behavior.
I think this is vary true. To me a gentlemen

• Opens doors for you
• Offers to pay on a date
• Shows you off to his friends
• Offers to carry something when your hands are full
• offers to help bring in food after shopping
• Holds your hand in public
• Calls lady's Miss or Mam

If he does at least three of the above. he is a good gentlemen. He is the kind of guy you'd bring around to meet your parents. He is the kind of guy that you want to bring out. He is respectful and old fashioned.

you are not alone

What is an island?

Something resembling an island, esp. in being isolated or having little or no direct communication with others.

I am not talking about the island that we all know that has water around it and is alone. I am talking about us as humans. Some may say they are islands and always will be an island... I don't think that this is true.

"I am ment to be alone" "I don't need marriage" "wtf is love?" "who needs them?"
I've heard some people say this...We as humans were ment to find love and reproduce. This is just mt oppinion. I am not an island. I love to be around others and talk. I love to give hugs and show how much I love people. When I say I LOVE YOU to someone I mean it.

I really don't get why some would want to be islolated. Maybe they don't want to get hurt, ;/ I just thought of something! your my island, my escape.. My isolation in love... My get away. Sometimes I want that sometimes I just want you not to be an island.

Sometimes it's good to get away

I don't know what it if lately. I've got a lot on my mind things like

• you
• my family
• me
• why people hurt me like they do
• why I hurt people like I do

When I think about you I think about how much I love you and how happy you make me. It hurts sometimes though cause you don't know what to say or express yourself to me. I know you love me I think your kinda scared that what we have must be true love. I am so sorry that you've been hurt by others. I will never hurt you. I want to be with you all my life. I know I am young to be saying this, but I LOVE you and never felt so strong about anyone.

Right now at home it is so stressful. I come home and there's about 7 cars on the lawn/driveway. I walk threw the door and see a mess and hear a screaming child. She is not mine so I don't have to take care of her, but in some ways I do.. She wants good attention and not bad. She wants to know she has rules. She wants to be loved. It is so hard when there is so many people around who don't understand you and think your always sad. I am not always sad. Most days I am happy and glad I am living. It's just hard sometimes at home to express myself.

When I think about me I always think about how I can change to make others happy. I would love to be perfect for people all the time I just can't. I have realized this fact, that I'm not perfect and never will be. I guess I am happy with most of who I am.

These are just somethings that have been on my mind. In order to clear my mind I just take a drive and see where I end up. Today i went around town after dropping my best friend off. It helped!

Anyways there are ways to deal with stuff. I take drives what do you do?

being intimate

I really have never understood why some men don't express their feelings. I mean they start off like "ok I'll share" when they get to the climax of the truth... THEY STOP TALKING!!!! I also, have not liked the fact that when you start to get intimate with a man you can play fight then it's over. for girls they like being close we want to play and cuddle afterwards.

During sex or playtime, girls love it cause they get all the attention and it makes them feel sexy/loved. For some men they cum and they're done.. "game time" or they go do something else like smoke a cig! hello!!! you just got laid, is it that stressful that u have to go smoke? Some say sex is away to Relieve stress.. not add on.

What I am trying to say is men during playtime/sex wait it out and make more love! It will make the girl happy and she will be more willing to have sex with you next time :D

Black Friday

Black Friday rocks! I worked a long shift and got free food. My boss is nice. She good food for all the employees who worked today! There was lots to choose from sandwiches, cookies, chips, and soda.

It was cool cause, I forgot my lunch at home and thought I'd die without food. Everyone was complaining at how long and hectic the day was going. I loved it! It went my fast. I had nice people come and help me bag and find toys that I needed.

Anyways to end it short. I like working on black Friday!!!

She said that ?

Sex... yes I am writing about sex... some have many different opinions on it.
Why do people have sex?

• to reproduce
• to make love
• to fool around
• to have to get married
• religious purposes

My parents are Christians and they say you must wait until marriage to have sex. they believe that it is wrong, a sin. I really don't know what i think about this.

Some people are forced into sex... is that a sin?

What is a real man?

There is no such thing to describe what a real man is in words, only what a person thinks or assumes a real man is.

My family had a Turkey dinner last night. My uncle decided to be rude and started to diss "my man" He said that I need to find a real man.

I asked him what he thought a real man was. I interrupted him when he started to speak. I told him "you must think a man lives in a cave and draws pics on the walls... or you must think he gets down and dirty" I told him a real man to me is smart and uses he knowledge to make money. ''

I don't care if a man is a nerd and likes computers. He is still "man" He is smart and usually kind.

When!

In life we can all make our own decisions and we can take chances!

BUT WHEN?

Tonight I realized that I am holding on to one thing, but want another. I have always wanted that other thing just never took a chance. I thought maybe if I take that chance I would loose and not gain anything from it.

I noticed that I should take a chance! I am young and have the world in front of me. tomorrow I am going to wake up and go get my chance! and if it fails.. maybe another great thing with come along:D

Christmas

Christmas is another stressful holiday that comes once a year. Don't get me wrong, I love getting together with my immediate family on Christmas day!

What I like about just my family on Christmas morning is that we all sit around the tree and open gifts one by one. We also, eat a big breakfast. You can tell that everyone is happy! they all got smiles on their faces and just want to give hugs! The only thing I don't like about Christmas is that Christmas eve is right before it;/

On Christmas eve we have always gone up to my grandmothers to open up gifts. I hate it there! none is happy or grateful for what they receive. Someone always yells at someone "I hate this what the heck" On a plus side, the food is good.

This year I decided not to go to my grandmother's for Christmas. I don't care if I don't get gifts or if they think I am a bad person. I am juts going to go to church and sit at home while watching a Christmas movie. I'd rather just have a happy Christmas this year :D

My advice to you is don't feel obligated to go to something you don't want to go to. Be happy and share your memories with the ones who love you most and make you happy!

When does love turn into abuse?

So! I know this couple, one of them is related to me. ;/ Sometimes I fear for his life.

When he brought her home I knew her quite well. She was in my science class. We are the same age. It was weird cause around school she was known as a slut. I didn't want to believe this cause she seemed so nice to me.

It all became true to me when he brought her home to meet our family. She was wearing a short white tank-top and tight black pants. It was weird cause she called my mom "mom" that's rude and she just met my mom. I knew there was something weird about her.

So time went on and she got more moody, strange, and aggressive towards "him" She played all nice though when she was around my family. "he" would come home with bruises on his arms and face. He said it was a stick that hit him in the woods. I knew this was a lie. She was bad news. I wanted to get rid of her!! he would always call her names and that he hated her!

When does love become just abuse? Why do we hold on?

he and him is my brother! He has changed. He drinks and smokes a lot more then he use to. he is depressed. ;/ He needs to find true love somewhere else.

Sometimes.....

Sometimes I wish I was someone else. I wish I could be rich and seem perfect. Somethings I would want

• A big house
• A lot of sexy cars
• All the fun toys- dirt bikes, boats...ect.
• The perfect boy toy
• The perfect daddy who buys me everything

I thought a little bit more about this LIFE. I'd hate it. I like how my life is now.

I thought even more about how I wish I could make everyone happy and how I wish we weren't the way we are today. ;/

I think everyone thinks about something they would change in or about their lives.

You are what wear

YOU ARE WHAT YOU WEAR.... Not true

Today, I went into my job for a little bit of training. I walked up to the front desk and said I was ready to learn. A noob like me came up behind me. She was wearing a Fox Riders CO jacket. it was cute.

I asked her if she road dirt bikes/ She said no! I asked her why she wore FOX and she replied, Cause it's in. As I was ready to go in the back room for some "fun" training I thought to my self "cause it's in" over and over in my head.

I wear fox cause I ride dirt bikes.. I kinda think that only people who surf or ride should wear it! not girls who wear it cause it's hot or the in thing. It was weird cause she asked me the same question as we entered the back room "do you ride Dirt bike?" I responded with yeah! not just because it's the "In thing"

You are not what you wear, but people like me do look at the brand FOX automatically think you ride or surf.

In high school I always saw girls that wore fox. it really pissed me off that they thought I was just another girl wearing that cool brand. I guess I thought the same bout that NOOB at my job ;/ It's weird how that works.

likes and dislikes

Everyone is different when it comes to what they prefer rather it be fave soda, food, color, or even in human qualities.

Here I somethings I prefer

• Hot to Cold-Hot
• Light to Dark-light
• Black to White-black
• Pepsi to Coke-Pepsi
• Tall to Short- tall
• Blond to Brown-blond
• Thin to Bigger- thin
• Orange to Green-orange

These are just somethings I prefer over another. It's ok to have your own preferences. :D

Party!

So... I went to my first real party the other day. It was fun. I am not normally the kind of girl to go out and drink. First of all, I got to hang out with my brothers..and one of his girlfriends. I find it kind of ironic is that right before we went to the party I saw a drunk-driving crash on the side of the road. One of the cars was totally smashed..guaranteed someone probably died. My brother's girlfriend said 'oh, we should all pray' and I kinda laughed at her.

As we got to the party I noticed that I knew some people and others not so much. I made my way into the back corner by the beer keg. No I did not drink the beer at first, I just had a sip off of some dude's drink......we later went upstairs where there was a pong table.

NOW--I'm a very curious girl when it comes to learning new things so I wanted to learn to play. I wondered if they laughed at me because I suck at sports--but then I realized that this is not a sport. Some nice guy offered to teach me, and be my partner--he said he also sucked at 'sports.' As the game rolled on I realized that I was the only one getting the pong in the cups...my brother got REALLY mad, but congratulated me for winning. After the game I tried to go downstairs, and they were like--'what the F** where are you going?...the winner has to keep playing!'

I knew that my body couldn't take any more. So I made a new rule--and handed it off to some dude who really wanted to play.

Anyways....by the end of the night I remember going home not feeling pain at all...it was like I was numb. Alcohol does weird things to people...in the morning I woke up feeling like crap and I noticed my muscle was torn--the reason why this was, was because I kinda beat up my brother last night. My lesson to all you youngin's is if you go to a party, don't get drunk!

laughter

laughter is a good thing. When someone is sad it can help to crack a joke or just laugh it up to make the person who is sad happy! It's is said that laughter is a natural healer and can give you longer life. who knows if this is true.. but it's a nice thought.

When I am really depressed and a friend or loved one comes over to see me, I really like when they try to cheer me up. No matter how sad I am they can always make a smile on my face... By laughter!

I have one guy friend who likes to pick on me in a nice way. He always cracks a joke about me. I am glad that he doesn't make fun of me in a mean way.

Anyways this is a random blog lol... My advice is when your sad, find a friend to laugh with or try to make yourself laugh. It helps.

Interviews for jobs

Today I went for a seasonal job interview. It was a group interview. I never been to a group interview before.

When I walked into the room there were four other women who wanted this job. I was scared at first because I thought maybe they'd have a better chance at getting this job than me. I thought wrong. The boss loved me.

I think I know why I got the job! Most the girls wore jeans and sneakers. HELLO you don't go to an interview in jeans and sneakers it's unprofessional. Also, they all had smoker voices like they just got done smoking 20 packs before entering. When asked questions why they wanted to work here or why they'd be good for the job they all said exactly what the person next to them said. None of them smiled. One chicks cell phone went off. It must have helped that I have about three years experience in the field. I smiled and let known of my creativity.

When you go to an interview things you should and shouldn't do.

• Don't wear jeans or sneakers
• Smile a lot
• Make good eye contact
• Don't smell bad
• Give creative answers and ideas
• Listen
• Don't complain
• Don't show your nervous

Good luck!

freedom of speech

What is freedom of speech you may ask?

Is the freedom to speak without censorship/and or limitation.

• In the united states
• on myspace
• on facebook

This is some ways we can have freedom of speech just to name a few. Facebook-We are aloud to leave comments on people's staus. Myspace we can comment on pics. In the U.S we are aloud to vote and say what ever the hell we want to say.

Just on facebook today I commented on abortion. I personally would not give my baby up in that way. Some people want a baby... "adoption" I said something like this and a women told me I was rude and shouldn't place my opinion on this.... Here I go again it's called FREEDOM OF SPEECH. I am aloud to say what ever I feel like. If someone gets hurt or offended delete me as a friend or don't talk to me.

My advice is Talk, express your freedom of speech. Don't let anyone say you can't.

fighting

fighting.... it happens a lot. It happens between friends, family, children, and strangers. Anybody! Can't we all just get along? the answer to this is no. All people have different ideas and opinions on what is right and what is wrong.
Today I got in a fight with my mom. I love my mom but she pissed me off. I won't go into detail but she cut me deep with her hurtful words. Some people don't know how bad words can hurt. I think that everyone should respect others opinions and thoughts. It's good sometimes just to get space... leave the bad time.

My advice is try to avoid fights. They suck and they can hurt

imaginary friends

So when you are younger and your all alone Playing in your room! you tend to talk to yourself or pretend to have a fake friend there. sometimes you give this friend a name. In a lot of ways this "friend" is a lot like you.

when you get older this "friend" goes away and you make real friends. You no longer talk to yourself. Having an imaginary friend is ok ,when you are young. When you get older and you think that that "friend" is apart of you it's not excepted in today's world. I have a friend who thinks they want to become their imaginary friend. They want to move away and die their hair.

I think that people should be happy with themselves and not care how others view you.
my friend tells me that his "friend" is still with hi and talks to him/ listens when no one else will ;/ I feel bad for him.

high school

All high school are different... Some are chill and some just suck. Mine was alittle bit of both.
Pros

• All my friends are there
• Teachers seemed to like me
• I did my best- Got most good grades
• My Bf got to be in classes with me

These are just some pros.

Cons

• I got picked on
• The cheerleader slutty girls looked like they were amazing
• I tryed but sometimes it wasn't good enough
• My friends had all different classes
• DRAMA

These are just some cons in my high school life.

my advice to you if your in high school try harder! Pick good friends! Stay away from drugs lol.

NY

Yesterday was my first trip as an adult to NY. At first my mom said "no" but my dad said "She is not a 12 year old anymore" My dad let me go :D

I went to a college with my friend BT we were going to go to a costume party but we were not 21. That sucked. We had fun though we both got to hangout at the dorms with her old RA. she was so nice. We watched a scary movie and had pizza.

I am glad I was aloud to venture out on my own!
My advice to u is it's fun to wait for your freedom and not disobey.

I am sorry!

I am sorry is just a phrase that some people say to get away with what they did. When you say "I'm sorry it means that you want to make things better and you feel bad that you have done wrong, or hurt someone. You can tell if someone is truly sorry by

• If they promise to not do it again and they keep their word
• Look in to their eyes- can they look right at you?
• They realized what they did and beat themselves up over it.
• They might try to do something that makes you happy even though they hate it.

These are just some things to look at when considering if they mean "I'm sorry"

You can always tell when a person is just saying it to say it. Look at the above examples. It will be the opposite answer/response.

My advice to you is don't let anyone say I am sorry over and over again if they haven't changed what they've done.

The world

So there are many different thoughts at how the world became.

• God created the world
• Aliens created the world
• It just is

Everyone has their own beliefs. It's ok to have hope/faith in whatever you want.

I really don't know what to write about. All I know is that today as been a weird ass day. My day has been been a good one up until now.
things that have been going on in my head

• My bf- thinking about if he wants to still date.
• My friends- How good they are to me
• my hurting/ confused heart.

My advice to anyone who loves someone is..... Don't cling cause, you never know when they will not be there for you.

spoiled kids

I have always hated kids that just get things handed to them. "daddy I want a car" so they get one. they don't even have to work for what they want. all my life I worked hard for what I want. I think it's rewarding.

I love you

I love you is such a strong phrase. Everyone says it or thinks about it at some point.
What is love? I don't think anyone will have the right meaning. I love lots of people but in different ways. I love my friends because they are there for me and will never leave me. I would have to say I have only really loved one man but it's so complicated.

who do you love? is it the man you are with? the man you want to be with? know who love and know who loves you back. keep them around.

baby girl

I have always wanted two twin boys when I got around to having kids. It's strange that I had a dream that I was prego with a baby girl. In my dream I was with my current boyfriend AJP-He didn't like the fact that I was going to have a kid.. ;/ so he left me in my dream. He is not like that in life! he would stay with me and love our child.

Well, I think I do want a little girl in the future.
I think I will never just set myself on one preference.

knowing who your true friends are.

So! I have a good amount of friends. They are all different in some way. It is always good to know who are your good friends and who you should just get rid of.
When you have a 'friend' the lies to you, or your loved one.. GET RID OF THEM. They are not and never will be a good friend.
If your friend sticks with you threw the sucky times... KEEP THEM AROUND
Keep list

• Truthful
• Lovable
• Caring
• Wants to be around you, even when your sad.

Get Rid of list

The opposite above!

When you know which friends who are good to keep, keep them! The others and suffer. They suck.

Choose wisely

Men that didn't treat me right....

When I was five I liked a 'boy' I really don't know why I like him. He treated me bad. called me names, stuck my in a hole, and put ,y plastic ring in the dirt. He was a mean little boy but I had hope for him, that someday he would be the man for me. He would love me and treat me well.
Years past and he was about 14 and i was 13. He didn't change he still called me names and abused me emotionally. I went to a shrink. She told me to move on and find someone new.. So I did! He sucked worst. He was the kind of guy that played fake to your parents then hit you when they wern't looking.

So many guys have been mean to me. That's just to I have listed. Don't get me wrong one of those boys became a man and changed.. The other one not so much. What I am trying to say is there are good guys out there and maybe you don't have to look anymore, maybe they will find you.

AJP- This is a good man for me. I know that even if I am a heartless bitch he will always be there for me. ;/ I think sometimes the reason why I treat him bad is because I don't know how he could love me so much! I thought he might be the same as the others, but hes not! AJP- Makes me smile and want to be better. he has never hit me or called me bad names or take my stuff and throw it in the dirt. I think he values me and what we can both share together.

Love your man that you have... the 'good' one.

Even good cars have issues!

I have a good car! A HONDA! Last night I went to the mall with my friend and some lady behind me yelled at me. I was like wtf is this women's problem? My friend said "she is just a crazy down town person." Well, that women was a kind crazy women. She was trying to tell me that I had a flat tire.

So... I drove 30min away to my next destination and I found out I have a firkin Flat. My friend had to be home and she lived 20min more AWAY! I did not know what to do so I said we should find a man. Men are smart! They know lots of random things. Went went to the nearest Mobil and a nice man helped me put air in my tier. :D

I had to bring my friend home and drive with a tire that has a hole in it. "fun"
There is a lesson to be learned here! Never go anywhere without checking your air pressure first.

Growing up.

So! I have always wanted to become a big famous singer. I've always wanted to live in a big house with my man... Make lots of money. Some could say this is my American dream.

I have sang everywhere sence I was little, Airplanes, School ,home, church, festivals, and VFW. These are just some places I've sang. I love it! I love the rush. You can also say I like the attention. But... Am I becoming a star? Not quite. I am not putting myslef out there latley. I don't know why.

Some kids know what they want to be and they don't stick with it. My advice to all of you with a dream like mine, don't hold back and do what you can to reach your dream. I am gonna go to college and hope to do something with my voice.

Some people just suck!

You know that feeling when you know you don't want someone to do something and they do it anyway? Some people just can't take the word "no"
Some men will try to say oh "lets hangout and talk" Yeah Ok sounds fun huh? Then when you get to their house they start to touch you or try to make you feel sexy! You didn't come over to do that did you? you thought you were going to hangout with them and talk. When you ask him to stop or is this right.. He doesn't listen.

Some people just suck! They don't care about your feelings. They only care about theirs. Some other people are nice and respect your wishes. There are some good people in this world, keep looking.

Keep repeating the past.

Some people have x-loved ones still in their life. Some of them still text, email, call, or even want to hangout.

There was a reason why you are not with them anymore! That's why they are your "ex" Maybe they hurt you in some way or you were wrong for them.

If you keep hanging on to them, History can repeat it's self. say I saw an old bf and asked him to hangout and we went for a car ride... and this happens.

• He still likes you
• Wants to do something naughty with you
• Wants you to be with him and not your bf

Such bad things could come of this! You could lose your current bf and he will now be another "ex" you might go out with him and then get hurt again.

Like I said shit can happen all over again, that you might not want to. Be careful!

silly boys! dirt bikes are for girls

I have a 1976 Honda XL. It is green! yes, it is a he... why would I ride a girl? I don't role that way. Hehe. Anyways, I bought it off my ex-boyfriend's dad. Kinda weird how that worked out.

I love going on my dirt bike getting away from it all. I don't even think about stuff that stresses me out. When I cruise through the woods I am at peace.

When I was younger, up until now! I've gone to derby Vermont, where the magic happens. I go up there to see my cousin ride. He is pretty good but is a bad loser. He thinks he always has to get first place. He says that I am not a real DB rider, cause I ride in the woods.

When I go up to derby I get to see dirt bikes go fast! it is also fun to see my family and eat unhealthy food.

Even if you arnt a derby racer, ride anyways!

Being your self.

Today, I sung karaoke down stairs in a basement. I sung random songs and loudly. I didn't care what anyone would think of me or if I sucked.

I would love to just go to a bar or somewhere where they have karaoke and just sing bad! I know I get paid to sing good and I've performed for many, but I really want to go look bad and make people laugh. Laughter is a good thing. Also, I wouldn't mind making myself look like a foul and dance on the tables. "fun!" This world needs more crazy people like me just having fun, not caring what others think.

I guess what I am trying to say is that live a little, gain a little. Don't be scared to sing bad in front of people. Have a good time.

Shopping!

• Food
• clothes
• Toys
• Kinky stuff-If that's your thing

We all go shopping for stuff we really don't need.

Today I went to Walmart and saw noodles and I bought them. did I need them? probably not!

Cut back on stuff you don't need and save some cash.

Friends are better than men.

I have a friend sense 6Th grade. So far she is the only one that puts up with my shit. I can go and complain to her about anything. I don't know why she sticks around but she does. I feel like I can tell her anything. I can talk to her about guys, pain, hurts, confusion, and other things that people don't really talk about.
men compared to your best friend!

• I can't tell men everything
• I can't talk about my period and have them relate
• I can't say to another man "Wow that guy is hot" unless he is gay.
• I cant talk about what happens between me and a guy to another guy.

What I am trying to say is that my best friend is the most important person in my life. I love her like a sister. Thanks KMF

we get to choose

Throughout life we have to make decisions on everything how to dress,eat,fun, and who to love. Everyday you can make your own choices. THINK WHAT IF???

• What if you had to wear the same thing
• You had to speak only what someone told you
• you could not go out side when you wanted
• You could not love who you wanted
• You could not vote for who you wanted
• you had to eat what "they" told you to

You would be completely controlled 24-7... ewww.

I am glad we don't have to listen if we don't want to. :D But we still have to make good choices.

Being adopted.....

Some people are born from birth and stay with their birth parents. I have a differnet story, when I was born I was watched by my cuzin and her husband. They had a daycare with other children. I was the only one blood related.

When I was five years old I was adopted in to the family. My family is of seven. I was adopted because my birth mother couldn't take care of me anymore.

When your adopted you tend not to be like your faimly, or look like your family. Luckley my dad and I have something in common, we both sing. Comming into this family helped me alot. I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for my new loving parents. I see them as my birth parents.

Today, I am going to meet some of my biological family. My secound cuzins... "weird" I am looking forwars to meeting three new people in my life.

Hot cars!

I think that everyone wants a good looking car. I know I do. I have a 1998 honda civic Dx. It is silver. I really like my car although it has some dents and a tiny bit of rust.
Anyways, On to nice looking cars. I got to see a 2008 mazda 3. I really like these cars. This one had a moon roof so I liked it alot. My sisters friend said I could drive it... Man does that thing have power.
I would love to get either a mazda 3 or a red honda civic ex. These are nice cars imo. I mean nothing compared to lambos but, nice.

Weddings

Everyone has been to a wedding at some point. Yes! you have maybe you were still in the womb or to young to remember, but you did go.
There are all different kinds of weddings but I say theres mainly only two kinds boring and not. Imo a fun wedding is when you don't wait 2hrs for the ceremony to get over. It is nice to see them exchanging vowes, but it's also nice to save extra stuff for the dance party! aka reception. the other kind is not boring it cuts right to the Chase and then the dance party.
I remember one wedding I went to I was about 17 I will never for get it. I will never forget it because, I went with an awesome date. The ceremony was short and the dancing was long. I love to dance. My date hated it, but he danced to a sweet love song with me. It felt like magic, everyone was happy. I got home around 12ish. I didn't want to leave.
I am going to a wedding this Saturday and I'm sure it will be an ok one :D

Pros and cons

Some people think that they can only have one love in life.... But can you have more then just one? maybe. But in the end you can only marry one. well, unless you have two identity's... lolz. No really back to being married to one. You must compare the two their pros and their cons. Here are some things you should consider.

1. Who treats you better
2. Who makes you feel special~sexy~
3. How do their families compare?
4. Would they make a good parent?

These are just some important things to think about when choosing...

Am I even loved?

So... lately its been hard to believe that people actually love me. I feel as if I get no credit for the grate things I do for my loved ones. In the end most are treating me like shit.
Day after day I strive to make others happy. I like doing nice things such as buying stuff for others or just giving them a lot of attention.... And!!!! day after day none appreciates it.
wtf is going on? I've come to also notice that I am giving to much love to certain people. Well no more hugs or being touchy feely or lovey dovey... I have reached the point of emotional breakdown. I am not going to be stepped on or have assholes ruien my life...

Goodnight to all who acually care about me. Ilu.

;/ Some people just don't know how to give love

Confused heart
In the past we’ve said things, done things that hurt us both
We didn’t know that it affect us now. It’s been so long…….

You use to say you hated me and I should just move on…
Now you say you want me, but your stubbornness’ is to strong….

You want me, I want you. But, we could never be
Cause our hearts are so confused.

Just saw you the other day, looked at me in a surtin way
You told me that I beautiful, but the flattery I gave you
Got buried in your soul.

I wanna grow old with you! There’s no pain I won’t face, just to be with you.
I don’t care how long it takes! Just to have you in my life.
But for now were both confused hearts.

Some people are so hurt inside that they don't see or take what is right in front of them. Good people end up getting hurt. In the end no one wins. When you find true love take it and don't pass it up.

We do it anyway

So.... We all know that these things are bad 4 u

1. Eating fast food
2. Not doing exercise
3. smoking "A lot"
4. drinking "all the time"

But, we do them anyways. We are all rebels without a cause! I know I am cause I was told to take out my tongue ring... I put it in two day after.

Cooking up Breakfast!

'Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not REHEAT his sins for breakfast'

I have an issue with this. If someone hurt my feelings beforehand I forgave them, I always seem to bring it up again.

"oh you left me alone that night"
"oh well you said I was this or that"
"one time you did this.."
"remember you hurt my feeling when you.."

I think I lot of people do this weather it be in a relationship or other situations. :( This can put a damper on any relationship. People need to forgive each other and move on.. or some would say FORGET about it. This would really help!

The Way we look

So... Everyone says or thinks theres something about them they would change. Today I got my teeth "UN chipped" I hate my teeth, I always have. When I was younger I got picked on because they were yellow. So.... if I had to change something about myself it would be my teeth.

My friend said she would change her height. My friend is a beautiful girl. She is not vary tall but she has a big heart/smile. She is vary caring of others.

Although, everyone wants to change something about themselves, they always have a good quality or more.

Different strokes 4 different folks!

Hello again, Everyone has an opinion on everything! No two persons opinion is the same... Well it seems that way.
Today I went to the dentist and they said my teeth were chipped because of my tongue ring! lolz I thought I chipped it by biting on a metal wire "stupid of me" The dentist said to take it out because that's how I chipped my teeth, cause of the tongue ring. IMO I like having a tongue ring. It makes me different from most people who get ears or nose piercings. I would never want a piercing on my face.
My mom's opinion on the tongue ring is it's "gross"
My dad's opinion on the tongue ring is "I don't want to see it"
My boy friends opinion is " That's how we first kissed! I like it"
Most of my friends opinions on the tongue ring is "we like it"

See!!!! Not everyone has the same opinion as everybody else. You should respect others opinions and they should respect yours as well. :D

My first blog

Hello, Today was an interesting day. I woke up went to church then went off to work. My bf later joined me. I watch a boy with special needs so his mom didn't mind that we all hung out.
My bf is 18 and I am 19.
All relationships have its ups and downs! I really don't understand the word "love" Some people think they do but do they really? who knows. I am just an average person looking for what "love "is. Everyone wants it in some form weather it be from a family,lover, or friend.
What I want in relationship....

• kind-thinks of you first.
• listens- When no one else will.
• loyal-Stays by you and wont leave u.
• caring-hold you in his arms.
• funny- can make jokes that don't pick on you.
• sensitive- won't be shy to express true feelings.

These are just some things.