NY

Yesterday was my first trip as an adult to NY. At first my mom said "no" but my dad said "She is not a 12 year old anymore" My dad let me go :D

I went to a college with my friend BT we were going to go to a costume party but we were not 21. That sucked. We had fun though we both got to hangout at the dorms with her old RA. she was so nice. We watched a scary movie and had pizza.

I am glad I was aloud to venture out on my own!
My advice to u is it's fun to wait for your freedom and not disobey.

I am sorry!

I am sorry is just a phrase that some people say to get away with what they did. When you say "I'm sorry it means that you want to make things better and you feel bad that you have done wrong, or hurt someone. You can tell if someone is truly sorry by

• If they promise to not do it again and they keep their word
• Look in to their eyes- can they look right at you?
• They realized what they did and beat themselves up over it.
• They might try to do something that makes you happy even though they hate it.

These are just some things to look at when considering if they mean "I'm sorry"

You can always tell when a person is just saying it to say it. Look at the above examples. It will be the opposite answer/response.

My advice to you is don't let anyone say I am sorry over and over again if they haven't changed what they've done.

The world

So there are many different thoughts at how the world became.

• God created the world
• Aliens created the world
• It just is

Everyone has their own beliefs. It's ok to have hope/faith in whatever you want.

I really don't know what to write about. All I know is that today as been a weird ass day. My day has been been a good one up until now.
things that have been going on in my head

• My bf- thinking about if he wants to still date.
• My friends- How good they are to me
• my hurting/ confused heart.

My advice to anyone who loves someone is..... Don't cling cause, you never know when they will not be there for you.

spoiled kids

I have always hated kids that just get things handed to them. "daddy I want a car" so they get one. they don't even have to work for what they want. all my life I worked hard for what I want. I think it's rewarding.

I love you

I love you is such a strong phrase. Everyone says it or thinks about it at some point.
What is love? I don't think anyone will have the right meaning. I love lots of people but in different ways. I love my friends because they are there for me and will never leave me. I would have to say I have only really loved one man but it's so complicated.

who do you love? is it the man you are with? the man you want to be with? know who love and know who loves you back. keep them around.

baby girl

I have always wanted two twin boys when I got around to having kids. It's strange that I had a dream that I was prego with a baby girl. In my dream I was with my current boyfriend AJP-He didn't like the fact that I was going to have a kid.. ;/ so he left me in my dream. He is not like that in life! he would stay with me and love our child.

Well, I think I do want a little girl in the future.
I think I will never just set myself on one preference.

knowing who your true friends are.

So! I have a good amount of friends. They are all different in some way. It is always good to know who are your good friends and who you should just get rid of.
When you have a 'friend' the lies to you, or your loved one.. GET RID OF THEM. They are not and never will be a good friend.
If your friend sticks with you threw the sucky times... KEEP THEM AROUND
Keep list

• Truthful
• Lovable
• Caring
• Wants to be around you, even when your sad.

Get Rid of list

The opposite above!

When you know which friends who are good to keep, keep them! The others and suffer. They suck.

Choose wisely

Men that didn't treat me right....

When I was five I liked a 'boy' I really don't know why I like him. He treated me bad. called me names, stuck my in a hole, and put ,y plastic ring in the dirt. He was a mean little boy but I had hope for him, that someday he would be the man for me. He would love me and treat me well.
Years past and he was about 14 and i was 13. He didn't change he still called me names and abused me emotionally. I went to a shrink. She told me to move on and find someone new.. So I did! He sucked worst. He was the kind of guy that played fake to your parents then hit you when they wern't looking.

So many guys have been mean to me. That's just to I have listed. Don't get me wrong one of those boys became a man and changed.. The other one not so much. What I am trying to say is there are good guys out there and maybe you don't have to look anymore, maybe they will find you.

AJP- This is a good man for me. I know that even if I am a heartless bitch he will always be there for me. ;/ I think sometimes the reason why I treat him bad is because I don't know how he could love me so much! I thought he might be the same as the others, but hes not! AJP- Makes me smile and want to be better. he has never hit me or called me bad names or take my stuff and throw it in the dirt. I think he values me and what we can both share together.

Love your man that you have... the 'good' one.

Even good cars have issues!

I have a good car! A HONDA! Last night I went to the mall with my friend and some lady behind me yelled at me. I was like wtf is this women's problem? My friend said "she is just a crazy down town person." Well, that women was a kind crazy women. She was trying to tell me that I had a flat tire.

So... I drove 30min away to my next destination and I found out I have a firkin Flat. My friend had to be home and she lived 20min more AWAY! I did not know what to do so I said we should find a man. Men are smart! They know lots of random things. Went went to the nearest Mobil and a nice man helped me put air in my tier. :D

I had to bring my friend home and drive with a tire that has a hole in it. "fun"
There is a lesson to be learned here! Never go anywhere without checking your air pressure first.

Growing up.

So! I have always wanted to become a big famous singer. I've always wanted to live in a big house with my man... Make lots of money. Some could say this is my American dream.

I have sang everywhere sence I was little, Airplanes, School ,home, church, festivals, and VFW. These are just some places I've sang. I love it! I love the rush. You can also say I like the attention. But... Am I becoming a star? Not quite. I am not putting myslef out there latley. I don't know why.

Some kids know what they want to be and they don't stick with it. My advice to all of you with a dream like mine, don't hold back and do what you can to reach your dream. I am gonna go to college and hope to do something with my voice.

Some people just suck!

You know that feeling when you know you don't want someone to do something and they do it anyway? Some people just can't take the word "no"
Some men will try to say oh "lets hangout and talk" Yeah Ok sounds fun huh? Then when you get to their house they start to touch you or try to make you feel sexy! You didn't come over to do that did you? you thought you were going to hangout with them and talk. When you ask him to stop or is this right.. He doesn't listen.

Some people just suck! They don't care about your feelings. They only care about theirs. Some other people are nice and respect your wishes. There are some good people in this world, keep looking.

Keep repeating the past.

Some people have x-loved ones still in their life. Some of them still text, email, call, or even want to hangout.

There was a reason why you are not with them anymore! That's why they are your "ex" Maybe they hurt you in some way or you were wrong for them.

If you keep hanging on to them, History can repeat it's self. say I saw an old bf and asked him to hangout and we went for a car ride... and this happens.

• He still likes you
• Wants to do something naughty with you
• Wants you to be with him and not your bf

Such bad things could come of this! You could lose your current bf and he will now be another "ex" you might go out with him and then get hurt again.

Like I said shit can happen all over again, that you might not want to. Be careful!

silly boys! dirt bikes are for girls

I have a 1976 Honda XL. It is green! yes, it is a he... why would I ride a girl? I don't role that way. Hehe. Anyways, I bought it off my ex-boyfriend's dad. Kinda weird how that worked out.

I love going on my dirt bike getting away from it all. I don't even think about stuff that stresses me out. When I cruise through the woods I am at peace.

When I was younger, up until now! I've gone to derby Vermont, where the magic happens. I go up there to see my cousin ride. He is pretty good but is a bad loser. He thinks he always has to get first place. He says that I am not a real DB rider, cause I ride in the woods.

When I go up to derby I get to see dirt bikes go fast! it is also fun to see my family and eat unhealthy food.

Even if you arnt a derby racer, ride anyways!

Being your self.

Today, I sung karaoke down stairs in a basement. I sung random songs and loudly. I didn't care what anyone would think of me or if I sucked.

I would love to just go to a bar or somewhere where they have karaoke and just sing bad! I know I get paid to sing good and I've performed for many, but I really want to go look bad and make people laugh. Laughter is a good thing. Also, I wouldn't mind making myself look like a foul and dance on the tables. "fun!" This world needs more crazy people like me just having fun, not caring what others think.

I guess what I am trying to say is that live a little, gain a little. Don't be scared to sing bad in front of people. Have a good time.

Shopping!

• Food
• clothes
• Toys
• Kinky stuff-If that's your thing

We all go shopping for stuff we really don't need.

Today I went to Walmart and saw noodles and I bought them. did I need them? probably not!

Cut back on stuff you don't need and save some cash.

Friends are better than men.

I have a friend sense 6Th grade. So far she is the only one that puts up with my shit. I can go and complain to her about anything. I don't know why she sticks around but she does. I feel like I can tell her anything. I can talk to her about guys, pain, hurts, confusion, and other things that people don't really talk about.
men compared to your best friend!

• I can't tell men everything
• I can't talk about my period and have them relate
• I can't say to another man "Wow that guy is hot" unless he is gay.
• I cant talk about what happens between me and a guy to another guy.

What I am trying to say is that my best friend is the most important person in my life. I love her like a sister. Thanks KMF

we get to choose

Throughout life we have to make decisions on everything how to dress,eat,fun, and who to love. Everyday you can make your own choices. THINK WHAT IF???

• What if you had to wear the same thing
• You had to speak only what someone told you
• you could not go out side when you wanted
• You could not love who you wanted
• You could not vote for who you wanted
• you had to eat what "they" told you to

You would be completely controlled 24-7... ewww.

I am glad we don't have to listen if we don't want to. :D But we still have to make good choices.

Being adopted.....

Some people are born from birth and stay with their birth parents. I have a differnet story, when I was born I was watched by my cuzin and her husband. They had a daycare with other children. I was the only one blood related.

When I was five years old I was adopted in to the family. My family is of seven. I was adopted because my birth mother couldn't take care of me anymore.

When your adopted you tend not to be like your faimly, or look like your family. Luckley my dad and I have something in common, we both sing. Comming into this family helped me alot. I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for my new loving parents. I see them as my birth parents.

Today, I am going to meet some of my biological family. My secound cuzins... "weird" I am looking forwars to meeting three new people in my life.

Hot cars!

I think that everyone wants a good looking car. I know I do. I have a 1998 honda civic Dx. It is silver. I really like my car although it has some dents and a tiny bit of rust.
Anyways, On to nice looking cars. I got to see a 2008 mazda 3. I really like these cars. This one had a moon roof so I liked it alot. My sisters friend said I could drive it... Man does that thing have power.
I would love to get either a mazda 3 or a red honda civic ex. These are nice cars imo. I mean nothing compared to lambos but, nice.

Weddings

Everyone has been to a wedding at some point. Yes! you have maybe you were still in the womb or to young to remember, but you did go.
There are all different kinds of weddings but I say theres mainly only two kinds boring and not. Imo a fun wedding is when you don't wait 2hrs for the ceremony to get over. It is nice to see them exchanging vowes, but it's also nice to save extra stuff for the dance party! aka reception. the other kind is not boring it cuts right to the Chase and then the dance party.
I remember one wedding I went to I was about 17 I will never for get it. I will never forget it because, I went with an awesome date. The ceremony was short and the dancing was long. I love to dance. My date hated it, but he danced to a sweet love song with me. It felt like magic, everyone was happy. I got home around 12ish. I didn't want to leave.
I am going to a wedding this Saturday and I'm sure it will be an ok one :D

Pros and cons

Some people think that they can only have one love in life.... But can you have more then just one? maybe. But in the end you can only marry one. well, unless you have two identity's... lolz. No really back to being married to one. You must compare the two their pros and their cons. Here are some things you should consider.

1. Who treats you better
2. Who makes you feel special~sexy~
3. How do their families compare?
4. Would they make a good parent?

These are just some important things to think about when choosing...

Am I even loved?

So... lately its been hard to believe that people actually love me. I feel as if I get no credit for the grate things I do for my loved ones. In the end most are treating me like shit.
Day after day I strive to make others happy. I like doing nice things such as buying stuff for others or just giving them a lot of attention.... And!!!! day after day none appreciates it.
wtf is going on? I've come to also notice that I am giving to much love to certain people. Well no more hugs or being touchy feely or lovey dovey... I have reached the point of emotional breakdown. I am not going to be stepped on or have assholes ruien my life...

Goodnight to all who acually care about me. Ilu.

;/ Some people just don't know how to give love

Confused heart
In the past we’ve said things, done things that hurt us both
We didn’t know that it affect us now. It’s been so long…….

You use to say you hated me and I should just move on…
Now you say you want me, but your stubbornness’ is to strong….

You want me, I want you. But, we could never be
Cause our hearts are so confused.

Just saw you the other day, looked at me in a surtin way
You told me that I beautiful, but the flattery I gave you
Got buried in your soul.

I wanna grow old with you! There’s no pain I won’t face, just to be with you.
I don’t care how long it takes! Just to have you in my life.
But for now were both confused hearts.

Some people are so hurt inside that they don't see or take what is right in front of them. Good people end up getting hurt. In the end no one wins. When you find true love take it and don't pass it up.

We do it anyway

So.... We all know that these things are bad 4 u

1. Eating fast food
2. Not doing exercise
3. smoking "A lot"
4. drinking "all the time"

But, we do them anyways. We are all rebels without a cause! I know I am cause I was told to take out my tongue ring... I put it in two day after.