oh no!

I have him. I found him. Hes THE ONE.

Love is not the same though as it was back then. people are braking up and getting a divorce. It's really sad.

My heart was broken when I was 14. I am still recovering from it, but I am moving on better than I thought I would.

I have a new Bf who I think is going to ask me to marry him on Dec,25,2010. This is a big deal. He said he wants to talk to my dad and do it right. I am excited. I have never been treated so well, the way I should be. We do everything together. Just yesterday he went to go get my tree and we decorated it. I hate Christmas music but I wanted to hear it with him and dance.

My parents were dancing in the other room I crabbed his hands and started dancing with him right next to my parents. It was cute, my dad looked over and smiled at him. My dad likes him. He thinks he's not fake and he keeps his word.

I hope that if he does pop the ? I am ready for it. I want to say yes in high hopes that I will b happy for the rest of my life and he will love me until I die.

errrrrr

Today is thanksgiving. it was not so good.

I went into a deep depression. I have not been in one of those for a long time. In one of my older post I talked about my sisters kid and how she is a monster. Today my sister told me she is due for another one... WTH.

I think my sister likes the baby stage. She gives her 4 year old no attention and anything she wants. She never disaplines her. My niece always says hurtful things like
*I hate you
*You r dumb
*Go die
* I don't need you

This is bad for a child. I don't even have kids yet but anyone with common sence can see this is BAD. My niece hits and spits at people. If my sister and her new husband keep raising Her like that she will be a mess when she is 12, prob pego and smoking.

I hate that she is having another kid when she is practicing bad parenting skills on her current child. She and her husband have no house and live with my parents. Her husband jumps job to job.

God help us all!

He was just like you

It was what I always wanted.

*He held my hand
*Opend doors for me
*brought me on dates
*called me is gf
* Take care of me when I was sick
*cuddle me until midnight
*Told me I was beautiful
*Told me he loved me
*Told me he wanted to marry me

I know you are different. You do all those things but you keep doing those things. You always tell me I LOVE YOU. It's so nice that you prove to me that you will always be there for me and that you will never change.

I am vary happy that I know you and have you in my life. I love you so much. I hope that when you said "I'll prove to you how much I love you on christmas" that you were saying I will propose to you and I will marry you.

:D My best friend KF tells me that she thinks you are my forever and for always. I would be happy with you the rest of my life. YOU would be the only one I would have kids with. I never wanted kids until I ment you.

why?

Hey there. I know I haven't wrote in a long time. Reasons for this
*work
*new man
*to much going on

I am so upset lately! People who are close to me keep pushing my feelings aside. I told my mom how I was being mistreated. She said "I don't want to hear about it" wtf! theres people at church and one of my family members who tell her their stories all the time. Not once has she said "i don't want to hear about it" Even though those people make her depressed and she wants to feel needed. I need her and she isn't there for me. I think that this is messed up.

When something is wrong I have to go to my bf or best friend for help and vent. I should be able to talk to my close family to. :/ I am so upset. I caught myself starting to tear up and I'm starting to feel ignored and unwanted. My feelings always get pushed aside.. But why?

This blog is a good way to vent. I think I am going to start posting in here again.

:D

I have been so happy! I am so loved.
Some things you do

• hug me
• tell me I am beautiful
• tell me how much you love me
• open doors for me
• give my piggy back rides
• Hangout with me everyday
• kiss me
• bring me places
• Care for me when I am sick or sad
• Make me stuff I can use-My wooden heart.
• Come to my family events
• Invite me everywhere u go
• Let me hangout with you and your friends
• Cuddle me
• Look me in the eyes
• Let me talk forever

Little things that you do make me happy!

My family adores you. My dad says he thinks you are an old fashioned good man! My mom wants me to marry you. It's weird how good you make me feel. I have not been happy in a long time. You did it! U r amazing and my everything.

I like when my man has a good family

I love family! The word and the interaction I get when I am around family.

I like to interact with others family and not just my own. Last night I went camping with CDL's family. His uncle and ant were really nice. I felt like I belonged there. We could all joke about sexual jokes, people and just have fun. I had a great time!! We are going up there again to stay the night.

I really like that I ma invited to all family events. I like the homemade games family's make. I really like the food I get. I really like to talk and be talked to. CDL's family treats me like I am married to him. It's kinda nice.

:D Well I am off to go camping with such a nice family.

life can go by to fast!

"I'm sorry" Lol don't bother saying it. when it comes out of your mouth it's just an excuse for you to hurt me again.

"I love you" I love hearing this phrase.. it makes me happy. But when I ask some people what they love about me, they can't answer.

I love you
KMF
CDL
DL
LAK
KSK
BAK
SMK
JPK
JEK

Most of these people above are my faimly. One of them is my best friend who will always b there for me.

When these people tell me they love me I know they do.. they show it!

W0w

I have not wrote on my blog in a long time. I have just had so much on my mind that I could not organize it out.

• My family
• My love life
• Work
• School
• Money.. Sucks
• Friends
• Past
• Present
• Future

That kind of crazy stuff a young adult should not always have on her mind.

One thing that I read yesterday on FB was the guy I use to like is know single. I hate this dude know. I use to love him with all my heart. I'd do anything for him. He's just shit on me and tool with my heart.

I know that my heart turns towards him all the time. I know that I give to many chances and get beat for it in the end. I need the strength to not get pulled into this heart brake again.

Lord give me strength. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

I know I can not change my past, but I can change how people hurt me. It is me who lets people hurt me. I let them. I am the reason for my own pain. Not anymore :D

fire!

It's amazing how something can be good and bad at the same time.

Fire is one of them. I love fire. you can say I am kinda a piro. I like that it is warm and peaceful. It's good in this way for me but fire can also hurt and destroy. My best friend just recently lost a loved one because of third degree burns to his body.

I was shocked! I wanted to be there for my best friend. Have you ever been burned? ouch! I can't even began to imagine what her loved one went through. In the last week I have burned my hand on a pan and the exhaust on my dirt bike.. Oh yeah it hurts.

Another good thing that could be good or bad is love. Are you really in love? Are you in lust? How should I know! Love is kinda like fire it can be a warm relaxing sensation, but when you get to close and your "lover" hurts you then you are burned for life.

Burns hurt, scars still remaine.

Random crap

~ It's easy to get over someone if you pretend they are not even on this earth~ They must have sucked anyways if your not with them~Or maybe they are just mean/ a bad person~

~I hate seeing people who remind me of others in stores~ "creepy"

I am loved! I feel like I belong! My boss today told me that I was apart of the family. We all went shopping for food and she bought me roses. I guess she saw me smelling them. We all went out to Burger King to eat and she bought my meal. Not a lot of bosses are as nice as mine... She said tomorrow I am aloud to finish my HW at her house. She always offers for me to stay the night if the weather is bad. I love my boss!

I have been really happy lately. Not like the days where I don't even want to live. I am trying to look forward to my short life.

W0w this was really random.

get to know me better

I like...

• Painting my nails a diff color every day.
• Going outside in the sun.
• dirt biking
• Singing
• Talking
• Movies-Any kind
• Chilling with friends and family.

Fave...

• Color- orange and black.
• Ice cream- "take the cake" and "cookie dough"
• Food-cheeseburger and fries.
• Bands-Three days grace,Staind, Soad,Bryan adams. I like everything old rock-country-pop-to alternative rock.

In a man...

• Tall-5'8 and up
• Any color hair besides red.
• Eyes-Blue, brown, or hazel
• I like big feet lol
• I like manly hands
• I like smart men
• Good on computers or something they love.
• A gentlemen
• A old school romantic
• A hard worker
• Someone who is true to me
• Someone who doesn't play heart games
• My man will love my weirdness
• Loves to cuddle and be Kinky
• Likes to hear me sing and support me

My dislikes...

• When a guy buys me flowers if we haven't been dating long
• I hate drama.. "girls"
• Moochers-people who use people for money
• parents that give their child no attention
• Dark chocolate
• Evil teachers/people

What I look like...

• 5'0
• light brown hair
• Hazel eyes.. sometimes they are gray or blue
• I got baby cheeks
• Wear a size 0-2 jeans
• can fit in a small shirt or med shirt
• I have tiny boobs, but they work
• It's said I have a nice butt
• I wear lots of diff colors "fox clothing"

That's all I can think of off the top of my head. If you'd like to get to know me more... ask and you shall receive.

Stupid dreams...

It's wrong what you did to me. Somehow you always come back to me. I know my heart needs better than you. God knows I deserve better than you.

It's weird cause I can't seem to get out of my head how much pain you've caused me. I keep having dreams about you. They suck cause your nice in them. Your not that nice in real life. You wear a mask for all to see. When you take it off you make people's heart bleed.

That's your true ugliness!

My heart may be hurting now, but I will find another man who loves me more than you'll ever know. You will see me with him and see how much you have lost! This beautiful girl won't be lonely long!

I guess it just wasn't ment to be.

I've given up!
I've given up on these silly games!
I've given up on this thing called love!

I've given up!
cause you hurt me so bad!
I'm giving up I cried to my dad.

He was right! I was blind!
The love we shared was just another one of your crimes.
~NMK~

"I like her I do! I just don't know what to do!" "I want to be with her" "I love you"

All is said and done. I thought you were the one. My one.

Some people just Don't know what they want. When they lose that one great person they go nuts. They prob say to themselves "what was I thinking I truly loved that person I left" "They are the true love I want to be with" Well you fail.

For those people above I hate to say this but I'm sorry. Anyone would be stupid to take another chance on you. People need to feel truly loved! No one wants to be told they are loved then the next week you get ignored and your loved one has someone else.

We all need to care about others feelings. It's called Karma! and oh yeah it's coming around.

smokers

Today, I got asked by a dude to go out and chill with him during brake. I went along cause he's chill and all. I am allergic to smoke. Never tried a cig, never will.

I love going outside with the smokers though! they always think of the best things to talk about. We had a 15min convo about how a women brought her daughter that was a dwarf into class. We had to do presentations on the holocaust! she brought her daughter in and put her on the center of the table. I thought this was vary mean. She said that "I love my daughter more than the others cause she is tiny and will depend on me more!" I about wanted to punch this lady...

Anyways the whole group of smokers were talking about how mean it was to show her she is really different and privileged/ loved more than her other children.

I am a short person. I would not want my mom to bring to me college and show me off.

wo0w!! way off topic.

I always go out with the smokers, stand there and talk /listen to the awesome 5-15min convos.

life has it's ups and downs

Today at work I got called a retard and a little boy threatened to take my life! Scary. I work with a boy with special needs who likes to call me names and beat on me. I am not going to take shit from an 8 year old!

Anyways today I had a heart to heart with the boy I watch and he opened up and asked me to stay and hangout with him. So my day ended up nicely :D

Like I said life has it's ups and downs.

So blind

I have been hurt by a lot of people... but one always seems to come back and haunt me.

Have you've ever had your emotions toyed with?
Have you ever been told I love you then a week later they don't love you?
have you ever felt so loved then abandoned?

I have. It's not a good feeling at all. it makes you broken in a way.

When you are with someone or want to be with someone don't let them toy with your emotions! A heart is a vary fragile thing. It is not met to be broken or stabbed. When I am older I want to have that love you see when old people are holding hands. I don't want to be in a relationship where one day he loves me than the next day he wants nothing to do with me. Some old people have it good! :D

Anyways... When a person who you think you love and says they love you back playes with your emotions.. THEY DON"T LOVE YOU. you need to move on and you will find someone who loves you as much as you love them.

Karma sucks.....

can people really change?

I had this feeling that maybe it could be different this time.. Some of my loved ones did do. My best friend Called me in shock! She saw something about you and she was pissed. She didn't want to tell me right away but she's a true friend. I felt broken.... I thought things were different this time around.

I've been hurt by tons of stupid people. It's my fault I guess for keep giving them chances. People can say they change and then show it for a bit, but can they? I've asked myself this a lot.

I was happy. I haven't said that in awhile. I mean really happy. My best friend even said I was smiling and had joy on the phone. After being hurt I was unhappy I smashed up wood in the back yard with an axe and I cryed until my makeup ran down my face. I went shopping to get my mind of my pain. I didn't even buy anything.

I woke up today and noticed I'm crazy! I am crazy for believing that people can change. Especially people who have hurt me in the past.. It is a pattern. It's done. I am a good person and I need to be happy again. I will no longer have a healed than bruised heart.

I<3 myself a little more than I thought.

work

today at work was hard. I work with children with special needs. I am use to working with children that have autism.

About 2 months ago I started working with a boy that has adhd,ptsd, depression and physical aggression. When I first met him he seemed like he had nothing wrong with him.

Today, I got to see him full blown. He was hitting his little brother with a lacrosse stick and I asked him to stop and give it to me. he said "No! your not my mom! make me!" I asked him again and he refused. I ended up grabbing it out of his hands. When I told him to go calm his body in his room, he kicked me as hard as he could. He was really mean with his words too.

I don't take shit from kids. I picked him up and pushed him in his room. I closed the door and held it shut. He screamed a lot! I told him what he did was wrong. He could come out whenever he realised what he did was wrong. Time flew by and he started to list things. All I could say was And? And? he finally listed off everything. He finally calmed down.

My day went great with him after that. We build a snow fort and went sledding.

Working with Special needs kids can be a challenge. You need to have Patience and skills. I am going to take a class on how I can deal with the boy I watch just in case he acts out again.

Being who u are!

Most people are afraid of their self image.

• What to wear?
• Omg I would never do that!
• you said that? your a bad person.
• What must people think of me?

I saw a women today that runs and dances on the side of the road! she rocks. She runs down roads everyday dancing it up! I really don't think she cares what people think. If she did I don't think shed be dancing down the roads.

I have heard two different stories about her.

• She got a head injury from falling of a ladder.
• She does it for exercise.

Whatever the case she still rocks! I wish that I could go outside and dance it up! I wish I could wear weird clothes... You know what? I can. Some people just care about their self image.

Lately I just don't give a damn!

The game of the heart

Today I felt as if I was worthless. I got home after work and thought of getting a hold of some friends. I finally did! My heart is braking again.

Am I even worth a text?

Am I even worth a phone call?

Should I even have this heart?

It seems as if this is all bipolar. One day I am the center of the world then the next, I am "space"

I am a good person. I think. I try so hard to help out my loved ones. You'd think they'd want me in their life. ;/ I guess not so much.

She felt it to.

Anne Frank wrote a diary. In one of her entries she wrote about her being 14. She talked about a young boy who she loved. She said he would joke and make fun of her but she still loved him. She didn't know if she was to young to know what love is.

The entries go on and she talks about how one day she wants to marry this boy. She thinks that he will never settle down. She thinks that he does not know how to love or be loved!

W0w! Anne Frank.... Who knew I could relate so much to her. I was in love at the age of 14 too. I also, think of marriage and if the man I love would love me back as much as I love him.

This is sad! It will not end well....

lately it has been building up. My parents and I can not communicate. My dad says that "I can't talk to you, cause I don't want to argue" my mom says "you get to mad" Well mother and father. You are right. It feels the same when I try to talk to you.. except the other way around.

I feel as if when I do something ANYTHING my parents have something negative to say about it. I don't think they will ever see how good I actually am. They say I am not motivated, yet I have a full time job and go to school. They say I never like to be home.. I wonder why? as I say with complete sarcasm.

If my parents and I can not even talk to each other without getting into some kind of a tiff.. Our relationship is doomed. It's over. I will not let them continue to hurt me.

Know who you are. Don't let anyone tell you different.

I should go!

I really want to go on a trip with my close friend. I know he is a guy, but he's a friend. I am 19, almost 20.. And I can't go to North Carolina?

I would really like it if my parents started treating me like an adult. I would be leaving for 4-7 days and staying with his family. His mom will make sure we don't do anything bad. We will be going on a plane "fun"

Ever sense I was younger I couldn't hang with curtain people or go curtain places. I was 17 when I could watch my first pg-13 movie. There are restrictions still on everything I do.

I think that it would be good for me to get out of my home town. I really want to go on a trip ANYWHERE! I am so willing to put some cash towards this trip. Should I stay or should I go?

Being a girl

When a girl gets her monthly.. Also, known as period, aunt flow, and the red. She is in pain. We get cramps and sometimes we get moody. Some girls crave chocolate.

No matter what a guy says about a girls period, he will never know how it feels. One guy told me it much feel like the shit cramps lol. It feels like someone is stabbing you in the gut. Some girls get bloated. ewww.

When I am on my period I do not get moody. I am the nicest girl you will ever meet. I get really emotional though ;/ I would have to say my period is low maintenance.

One of my favorite people in the world took good care of me onetime when I had bad cramps. we were hanging out and I felt sick and wanted to leave. They wouldn't let me. "what can I do to make you stay" they said. I told them that I needed a heating pad,meds, and a place to lay down. They were so sweet! They made sure I had all the things I asked for.

I am really glad that people want me to hangout with them even if I am on my period. I am so glad that one of my fave people in the world wanted to take care of me and stay longer.

We are growing up...

"we are growing up aren't we"

I agree! we are. I remember when I was five years old running in my neighbors yard. We would climb trees and play tag. When I got a little older I remember falling in love. I use to go out late a night just to see him. It would be cold and we would cuddle beneath the stars. It felt good to be held. I also, remember playing lazier tag and flashlight tag. We'd hide together.

I know that I am older now and when I was 14 I prob didn't know what love is. But I'd like to think that the people in life life love me. I understand that we are getting older each day! I know that I've grown apart from the ones I loved growing up. We can't take back anything that has happened! But here is a positive note:

We can create a new future where we are children at heart, but adults in so may ways.

If I die before I wake.

Today.. SUCKED.

I tryed to talk to my dad and ask him for his help as much as possible. He didn't really pay much attention to me. I want my dad's and I relationship to get better. We don't even talk to each other. He never says I love you anymore or takes a hug when I give it.

My mom loves hugs and she didn't even want one from me, when she was upset with my sister.

She said "I don't want a hug" in a harsh voice.

Later I sang at an event and that sucked two. I was so nervous that it sounded squeaky and noobish. I have practiced the song perfect everyday. Why did I have to screw up on the night it was preformed?

It has gotten so bad overtime. My emotions just keep building up. I don't know how to control them anymore. I cried for about two hrs straight. I even wrote a will for myself just in case I didn't make it.

No one can understand how much I can hurt, unless you have depression as well. Sometimes you just get sad and don't know why. I hate it. I'm done with this shit. I never asked to have this fuck up in my body.

college

yikes! Today was my first day of college. My best friend and I are taking the same class. The class we are taking together is world history. I like learning about history, her not so much.Sense we are taking the same class we both ride together. This saves us both money and gas.

When we both walked into the class it was full. There were about 20 other students. luckily we got to sit next to each other. The teacher was 20min late. He thought that the class was at 9:30. I was getting bored until he walked in. He seemed to know all about what he was teaching. As class went on it it got to the point where my brain hurt. I know your brain can't "hurt" but i swear it felt as if it did. I learned so much information with in two hrs that I could write a paper on the ancient cultures. I took about five pages of notes.

Tonight I have to go back and take an English class. I am still a little tiers from all that note taking, but will survive.

Beautiful

Today I went to a bridal show. My sister insisted I'd go. When I walked in I felt out of place. there were tons of beautiful looking women. They had tight clothes and their hair and makeup looked amazing.

When I go to places were women have perfect size boobs, a big white smile, and they are tall. I feel like I am a twelve year old in a group of wannabe models. I hate when I get all "I'm ugly in a crowd of doves" I don't know why I have to be the perfect image!

It seems like the media puts out that you have to look like Jessica Simpson, Brittney spears, or Jessica Alba. I am skinny I'll give myself that, but I am only 5 feet tall and only have a B cup bra. I like my eyes and I like my hair. I really don't like that sometimes I brake out in acne and my skin gets dry.

it's weird cause everyone says I'm cute, but I know I'm just cute. I am not perfect and I am a sexy model.

I am to hard on myself.

right from wrong

You ever have a situation where you know you shouldn't be doing something, and do it?
Have you ever been torn between two things? you could only choose one.. but you want both?
Have you ever made up stories to sound better or cover up?

DO YOU KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG?

Sometimes I go about my life wondering are the things I do right or wrong? I like to ask people what they think. They usually say "umm I wouldn't do it" so does that mean what I might do is wrong?

When I hurt myself emotionally.. I know this is wrong! When I hangout with some people I shouldn't I know this is wrong, but those people are so easy to talk to.

When I see your face! I know it is right to be with you someday in the future.
When I wake up I know it must be right that your the first thing that pops in my head.

If I know the things above feel so right? then why does this feel so wrong?

Venting

I am one of those people who can't keep emotions in. I like to have friends that I can talk to when something is on my mind. I like to tell it as is. for example....

• I am pissed and don't want to be around people
• I am sad and need a hug.
• I really just want to punch u

The way I see it is, it is good to vent. Today my best friend called me. She was upset because a person at her work could not cover for her. My BFF really wanted to go to her aunts 90th b-day. I feel really glad that she could call me when she needed someone to vent to. I feel as if I can always go to her to vent as well. We are good vent friends.

To be a good vent friend here are some things u should have.

• good listening skills
• Ready to answer any questions
• Connect on a higher level
• Be ready to give a hug!
• Be available- make time

They are clueless!

I live with my mother and father. My sister and her man. They have a child. She is my niece and I can honestly say I don't want her in my life.

Ever sense she was a baby she would hit. She is four years old and knows no boundaries. she does not know right from wrong. She is a child with out discipline. her parents cater to her every need. They do not watch her at all. I am just getting sick of it!

I really think if this keeps happening She will grow up a hoe or a teen drugie or something. ;/ I know this is bad to say about my niece but it's the truth! A child who does not have a structured loving/disciplined life will end up a monster.

What makes a person a bad person

What makes a person a bad person?
is it...

• Doing mean things on purpose and not regretting them?
• Having no respect for life?
• Having negative qualities such as, hate, envy, greed, and jealousy?
• Doing things such as, stealing, lying, cheating? ~Who hasn't told a lie?
• Wanting something else then the things u already have?

IMO- I believe that there are no "bad people" just bad acts, and that we are all the sum total of our acts, bad and good.

Sometimes because of my decisions I feel I am a bad person. Other times I feel as if I am a good person. I am trying really hard to be the best person I can be!

My brother

I use to get beat up and picked on a lot by him. He use to duck tape me to walls and beds, while spitting on my face. I hated him. He would call me names and hit me for no reason. He would sit on me and fart in my face. His name Is J... He's my brother.

Even though my brother was just being a brother, I have always looked up to him. I thought he was the Sh**. I have always wanted to hangout with his "cool" friends and go where they went. It's awesome cause now that we are both around the same age, he asks me to hangout with him all the time. He has cool/nice friends that thought it was odd at first. now they think I'm the Sh**. Funny how that worked out.

Last night I was bored and my bro called me up at 12am. He asked me if I wanted to go play pool in some bar. I said sure. It was nice I watched and played a little bit. My brothers friend said that I was chill. I have never heard any of his friends say this. I liked it. My bro asks me to chill a lot. I think it is good to get out and hangout with him. I enjoy myself and don't have to do anything crazy to empress him.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket!

Somethings that people do are great, others not so much. It is cool when someone wants to change what upsets others. It can be harder then they think. I know a friend who has always made plans and broke them. My friend would get me all excited to see them, than not show up.

My friend tries really hard to make me happy. They try to be there when really needed. They do make awesome plans and tend not to go threw with them. My friend always has an excuse why they didn't show or call. ;/

When people say they want to change from years ago.. It sucks when they say they did, and don't. It can be vary disappointing when they make a promise then brake it off again, and again!!

Sometimes it's better not to put all your faith into one person's "changing" Then maybe you won't be as hurt or disappointed.

I am an odd one!

There are things people wouldn't like to come out and say... There are things some people don't do in public. I just don't give a F*c*.

I am one of those people who like to have fun and express myself. I like being places where I don't know people, but will surly get to by the end of the day. I'm a crazy FREAK that likes to

• Hula-hoop anywheres.. even in the kitchen
• Blast random music- Even if it sucks
• Drink tons of Pepsi products
• Stay up late with close people
• Take baths
• Cry to sad love movies
• Talk to my animals about my feelings
• Ride dirt bikes
• Eat lemons with salt
• Eat homemade vinegar chips
• Paint my nails every day
• Stay in hot places-rooms/Hot tubs
• Dance and shake my A**
• Sing at the top of my lungs
• Go bowling and try to look funny

I don't really know if these are weird or not, but I like doing these things. I am not afraid to admit that I am weird.. or some would say "not normal" But what is normal anyways? The dictionary says -standard to the average type. Lolz in that case I'm not.

Be not afraid of who or what you are.. or in this case like to do.. who cares! have fun.

I hope this works out

SO! last night was one of the best nights of my life. I couldn't fall asleep, I was living. Well... It felt that way. :D I felt loved by my close friends.

Lasnight I did not go out and party or do anything crazy! I just stayed at a friends house and we talked all night. I liked it. It was

• Fun
• Relaxing
• relieving

Tomorrow- I am going to call VNA about a job and I am also going to call up college and see what I can enroll in. I would really like to within the next year

• Go to college
• Get a good job
• Move out
• Show people how much I really care
• Have a steady relationship

I hope things work out for me. Wish me luck!

I was cut deep

When I was young I never cared about what anyone thought of me but what I thought.
I have been hurt a lot. When I was younger and Now.I am vary sensitive and words cut me deep.

Last night was one of the worst nights ever. I got in a fight with my mom then I felt attacked by a loved one. I thought I was an ok person until my loved one told me "your values in life" ;/ I do not value just money, yes I like it, you need it but I love other things. I always put others first before me. I always buy/think of others besides me.

I thought I could give one of my loved ones everything. If you were reading this I was wrong.I thought I could share how nice I am to you. How much I have done for you. I feel shit on by you. Your words cut me deep. If you think my values in life are selfish! you do not know me.

Today, I hung out with some friends. I asked them what they thought I valued they said I am a kind person who values the happiness of others before my own. does that sound like a selfish person? I am sad, hurt, and disappointed. Maybe some of you know this feeling.

This is my blog and I should feel free to express any of my feelings without trying to hurt others.

The way you hold me

I can tell.

By the way you hold me

By the way you want me to stay a little longer.

By the way you tickle me.

By the way you look in my eyes or at me.

By the way you give me that big smile!

I have never felt it before so strong. I like it. It makes my worries all go away. I am at peace when I am in your arms.

Emotions.

I hate emotions! emotions are like roller coasters. This is how it feels most days for me.
Theres always something I can't seem to grasp my mind on. These things build up inside until i want to brake.

People have different emotions, reactions, and behavior to things or situations. When I am upset it depends who it is and how I'll react.

Parents- Hurt but won't say my feelings.
Friends-Hurt and will express, but not always.
Loved ones-Push it off till it build up.

Yikes! this is not always a good way to handle my emotions.

Things I can do to be happy!

• Be with the one I love.
• Be with friends that are positive.
• Sing.
• Dance.
• Hoola-Hoop.
• Run.
• Dirt biking.
• Sit alone in my room.
• Draw.
• Go on the computer.
• Write a song.

I know these things can make me happy.. but it feels as if I can't ever express my true emotions to anyone. ;/

Things you don't like to hear

• Whatever!



• I don't care!



• You suck!



• I hate you



• Just die!



• Go to fu*k!



• Go to Hell!



• I don't want you!



• I don't need you!



• Who cares!



• Your stupid!



• your a noob!



• Stop talking!



• Your to sensitive!



• Your a retard!



• Your useless!



• I use to love you !

Somethings that some people do not like to hear. Words can hurt, use them with caution.