We are growing up...

"we are growing up aren't we"

I agree! we are. I remember when I was five years old running in my neighbors yard. We would climb trees and play tag. When I got a little older I remember falling in love. I use to go out late a night just to see him. It would be cold and we would cuddle beneath the stars. It felt good to be held. I also, remember playing lazier tag and flashlight tag. We'd hide together.

I know that I am older now and when I was 14 I prob didn't know what love is. But I'd like to think that the people in life life love me. I understand that we are getting older each day! I know that I've grown apart from the ones I loved growing up. We can't take back anything that has happened! But here is a positive note:

We can create a new future where we are children at heart, but adults in so may ways.

If I die before I wake.

Today.. SUCKED.

I tryed to talk to my dad and ask him for his help as much as possible. He didn't really pay much attention to me. I want my dad's and I relationship to get better. We don't even talk to each other. He never says I love you anymore or takes a hug when I give it.

My mom loves hugs and she didn't even want one from me, when she was upset with my sister.

She said "I don't want a hug" in a harsh voice.

Later I sang at an event and that sucked two. I was so nervous that it sounded squeaky and noobish. I have practiced the song perfect everyday. Why did I have to screw up on the night it was preformed?

It has gotten so bad overtime. My emotions just keep building up. I don't know how to control them anymore. I cried for about two hrs straight. I even wrote a will for myself just in case I didn't make it.

No one can understand how much I can hurt, unless you have depression as well. Sometimes you just get sad and don't know why. I hate it. I'm done with this shit. I never asked to have this fuck up in my body.

college

yikes! Today was my first day of college. My best friend and I are taking the same class. The class we are taking together is world history. I like learning about history, her not so much.Sense we are taking the same class we both ride together. This saves us both money and gas.

When we both walked into the class it was full. There were about 20 other students. luckily we got to sit next to each other. The teacher was 20min late. He thought that the class was at 9:30. I was getting bored until he walked in. He seemed to know all about what he was teaching. As class went on it it got to the point where my brain hurt. I know your brain can't "hurt" but i swear it felt as if it did. I learned so much information with in two hrs that I could write a paper on the ancient cultures. I took about five pages of notes.

Tonight I have to go back and take an English class. I am still a little tiers from all that note taking, but will survive.

Beautiful

Today I went to a bridal show. My sister insisted I'd go. When I walked in I felt out of place. there were tons of beautiful looking women. They had tight clothes and their hair and makeup looked amazing.

When I go to places were women have perfect size boobs, a big white smile, and they are tall. I feel like I am a twelve year old in a group of wannabe models. I hate when I get all "I'm ugly in a crowd of doves" I don't know why I have to be the perfect image!

It seems like the media puts out that you have to look like Jessica Simpson, Brittney spears, or Jessica Alba. I am skinny I'll give myself that, but I am only 5 feet tall and only have a B cup bra. I like my eyes and I like my hair. I really don't like that sometimes I brake out in acne and my skin gets dry.

it's weird cause everyone says I'm cute, but I know I'm just cute. I am not perfect and I am a sexy model.

I am to hard on myself.

right from wrong

You ever have a situation where you know you shouldn't be doing something, and do it?
Have you ever been torn between two things? you could only choose one.. but you want both?
Have you ever made up stories to sound better or cover up?

DO YOU KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG?

Sometimes I go about my life wondering are the things I do right or wrong? I like to ask people what they think. They usually say "umm I wouldn't do it" so does that mean what I might do is wrong?

When I hurt myself emotionally.. I know this is wrong! When I hangout with some people I shouldn't I know this is wrong, but those people are so easy to talk to.

When I see your face! I know it is right to be with you someday in the future.
When I wake up I know it must be right that your the first thing that pops in my head.

If I know the things above feel so right? then why does this feel so wrong?

Venting

I am one of those people who can't keep emotions in. I like to have friends that I can talk to when something is on my mind. I like to tell it as is. for example....

• I am pissed and don't want to be around people
• I am sad and need a hug.
• I really just want to punch u

The way I see it is, it is good to vent. Today my best friend called me. She was upset because a person at her work could not cover for her. My BFF really wanted to go to her aunts 90th b-day. I feel really glad that she could call me when she needed someone to vent to. I feel as if I can always go to her to vent as well. We are good vent friends.

To be a good vent friend here are some things u should have.

• good listening skills
• Ready to answer any questions
• Connect on a higher level
• Be ready to give a hug!
• Be available- make time

They are clueless!

I live with my mother and father. My sister and her man. They have a child. She is my niece and I can honestly say I don't want her in my life.

Ever sense she was a baby she would hit. She is four years old and knows no boundaries. she does not know right from wrong. She is a child with out discipline. her parents cater to her every need. They do not watch her at all. I am just getting sick of it!

I really think if this keeps happening She will grow up a hoe or a teen drugie or something. ;/ I know this is bad to say about my niece but it's the truth! A child who does not have a structured loving/disciplined life will end up a monster.

What makes a person a bad person

What makes a person a bad person?
is it...

• Doing mean things on purpose and not regretting them?
• Having no respect for life?
• Having negative qualities such as, hate, envy, greed, and jealousy?
• Doing things such as, stealing, lying, cheating? ~Who hasn't told a lie?
• Wanting something else then the things u already have?

IMO- I believe that there are no "bad people" just bad acts, and that we are all the sum total of our acts, bad and good.

Sometimes because of my decisions I feel I am a bad person. Other times I feel as if I am a good person. I am trying really hard to be the best person I can be!

My brother

I use to get beat up and picked on a lot by him. He use to duck tape me to walls and beds, while spitting on my face. I hated him. He would call me names and hit me for no reason. He would sit on me and fart in my face. His name Is J... He's my brother.

Even though my brother was just being a brother, I have always looked up to him. I thought he was the Sh**. I have always wanted to hangout with his "cool" friends and go where they went. It's awesome cause now that we are both around the same age, he asks me to hangout with him all the time. He has cool/nice friends that thought it was odd at first. now they think I'm the Sh**. Funny how that worked out.

Last night I was bored and my bro called me up at 12am. He asked me if I wanted to go play pool in some bar. I said sure. It was nice I watched and played a little bit. My brothers friend said that I was chill. I have never heard any of his friends say this. I liked it. My bro asks me to chill a lot. I think it is good to get out and hangout with him. I enjoy myself and don't have to do anything crazy to empress him.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket!

Somethings that people do are great, others not so much. It is cool when someone wants to change what upsets others. It can be harder then they think. I know a friend who has always made plans and broke them. My friend would get me all excited to see them, than not show up.

My friend tries really hard to make me happy. They try to be there when really needed. They do make awesome plans and tend not to go threw with them. My friend always has an excuse why they didn't show or call. ;/

When people say they want to change from years ago.. It sucks when they say they did, and don't. It can be vary disappointing when they make a promise then brake it off again, and again!!

Sometimes it's better not to put all your faith into one person's "changing" Then maybe you won't be as hurt or disappointed.

I am an odd one!

There are things people wouldn't like to come out and say... There are things some people don't do in public. I just don't give a F*c*.

I am one of those people who like to have fun and express myself. I like being places where I don't know people, but will surly get to by the end of the day. I'm a crazy FREAK that likes to

• Hula-hoop anywheres.. even in the kitchen
• Blast random music- Even if it sucks
• Drink tons of Pepsi products
• Stay up late with close people
• Take baths
• Cry to sad love movies
• Talk to my animals about my feelings
• Ride dirt bikes
• Eat lemons with salt
• Eat homemade vinegar chips
• Paint my nails every day
• Stay in hot places-rooms/Hot tubs
• Dance and shake my A**
• Sing at the top of my lungs
• Go bowling and try to look funny

I don't really know if these are weird or not, but I like doing these things. I am not afraid to admit that I am weird.. or some would say "not normal" But what is normal anyways? The dictionary says -standard to the average type. Lolz in that case I'm not.

Be not afraid of who or what you are.. or in this case like to do.. who cares! have fun.

I hope this works out

SO! last night was one of the best nights of my life. I couldn't fall asleep, I was living. Well... It felt that way. :D I felt loved by my close friends.

Lasnight I did not go out and party or do anything crazy! I just stayed at a friends house and we talked all night. I liked it. It was

• Fun
• Relaxing
• relieving

Tomorrow- I am going to call VNA about a job and I am also going to call up college and see what I can enroll in. I would really like to within the next year

• Go to college
• Get a good job
• Move out
• Show people how much I really care
• Have a steady relationship

I hope things work out for me. Wish me luck!

I was cut deep

When I was young I never cared about what anyone thought of me but what I thought.
I have been hurt a lot. When I was younger and Now.I am vary sensitive and words cut me deep.

Last night was one of the worst nights ever. I got in a fight with my mom then I felt attacked by a loved one. I thought I was an ok person until my loved one told me "your values in life" ;/ I do not value just money, yes I like it, you need it but I love other things. I always put others first before me. I always buy/think of others besides me.

I thought I could give one of my loved ones everything. If you were reading this I was wrong.I thought I could share how nice I am to you. How much I have done for you. I feel shit on by you. Your words cut me deep. If you think my values in life are selfish! you do not know me.

Today, I hung out with some friends. I asked them what they thought I valued they said I am a kind person who values the happiness of others before my own. does that sound like a selfish person? I am sad, hurt, and disappointed. Maybe some of you know this feeling.

This is my blog and I should feel free to express any of my feelings without trying to hurt others.

The way you hold me

I can tell.

By the way you hold me

By the way you want me to stay a little longer.

By the way you tickle me.

By the way you look in my eyes or at me.

By the way you give me that big smile!

I have never felt it before so strong. I like it. It makes my worries all go away. I am at peace when I am in your arms.

Emotions.

I hate emotions! emotions are like roller coasters. This is how it feels most days for me.
Theres always something I can't seem to grasp my mind on. These things build up inside until i want to brake.

People have different emotions, reactions, and behavior to things or situations. When I am upset it depends who it is and how I'll react.

Parents- Hurt but won't say my feelings.
Friends-Hurt and will express, but not always.
Loved ones-Push it off till it build up.

Yikes! this is not always a good way to handle my emotions.

Things I can do to be happy!

• Be with the one I love.
• Be with friends that are positive.
• Sing.
• Dance.
• Hoola-Hoop.
• Run.
• Dirt biking.
• Sit alone in my room.
• Draw.
• Go on the computer.
• Write a song.

I know these things can make me happy.. but it feels as if I can't ever express my true emotions to anyone. ;/

Things you don't like to hear

• Whatever!



• I don't care!



• You suck!



• I hate you



• Just die!



• Go to fu*k!



• Go to Hell!



• I don't want you!



• I don't need you!



• Who cares!



• Your stupid!



• your a noob!



• Stop talking!



• Your to sensitive!



• Your a retard!



• Your useless!



• I use to love you !

Somethings that some people do not like to hear. Words can hurt, use them with caution.